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A Humorous Stock Market Dictionary for
Investors Past.
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Momentum Investing -
The fine art of buying high and selling low.
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Value Investing - The
art of buying low and selling lower.
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Broker - Poorer than
you were last year.
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P/E ratio - The
percentage of investors wetting their pants as
this market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your
life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot
who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market - A random
market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18
month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the
husband gets no sex.
Stock split - When your
ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner - A
guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and
cigarettes.
Market Correction - The
day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The
movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.
Call Option - Something
people used to do with a telephone in
ancient times before e-mail.
Cisco - Side kick of
Poncho.
Yahoo - What you yell
after selling it to some poor sucker for
$540 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you
jump out of when you're the sucker that
bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor -
Past year investor who's now locked up
in a nut house.
Profit - Religious guy
who talks to God.
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