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"Stock Market
Terminology
Explained"		 One or two clicks may be required depending on browser.

A Humorous Stock Market Dictionary for Investors Past.

  • Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
  • Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
  • Broker - Poorer than you were last year.
  • P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.
  • Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.
  • Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  • Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
  • Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
  • Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
  • Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
  • Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
  • Cisco - Side kick of Poncho.
  • Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540 per share.
  • Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $540 per share.
  • Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
  • Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

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